Increasing waist line ............away from home.............. pain..........sympathy............suggestions...........time off........advices.............. mood-swings .........extra care.......love/likeness/crush/wtf .........fasting.......food....... books........home.........deliberations.........friends.....freedon of expression....... movies.............blood..............hospital.........reasons!!!!!! SIGH!

I cant just be I. Dont know why?

Awwwwwwww

Balance The equation

Love Showered upon as a kid.
Lack of love when Grown up .


constant guidance on every step
No beacon of hope in bad times 

Lack of time when in job.
Loads of time when retired.

The constant traveling.
The difficulty to walk.

The Richness.
The Poorness.

The Laughs.
The Weeps.

The Highs.
The Lows.

The Happiness.
The Sadness.

It all evens out in the end.

There is so much to say.
But nothing comes out. :(

Just updated my blog profile pic to a tweety's pic .


A yellow canary :)


Sweet and adorable 


UNLIKE ME :-|


Had to do something relaxing after writing about verdict :P

On The Verdict

I really appreciated the decision .


Honestly ..I REALLY DON'T CARE THE POOR LAND BELONGS TO WHOM ????


Hindu or Muslims 
(60 YRS fighting for -is it really worth it ? .. aren't there bigger problem to handle )


One simple random thought on this .. God was not a bloody fool when he created Us like this ....I mean  like muslims, hindus, sikhs, jains, Christians and many more. 
Just think about it ...
All human having the same face , same skin , same texture ...IMAGINE having no difference between Angellina  jolie and Madhubala or any one else. 
just Imagine what would have happened if there was only one colour in the whole world??
Again our amitabh bacchan doing stunts like jet li and jackie chain singing n dancing in Bollywood style ????
Point is --We love these diversities. 
We love to see diffrent type of faces, people , chick n dudes, diffrent type of foods ,cloths, cultures , traditions , languages 


.then 


Then 


WHY HATE DIFFERENT RELIGION ????


 As far as Mandir, Gurudwara or Masjids are concerned these are mere structures ,  Akshya dham temple and golden temple in amritsar could not stop the terrorists entring there, because these are just structures. A thief can steel chappal from a temples gate or can pickpocket from a masjids premises also .God Dont give a damn to all this ,bcoz he made thief too .I'm a hindu ....INSPITE OF THAT  i Used to go to church with my mom and at times one of my college friend (K).I used to wake up early n go to church with sleepy eyes ,bcoz that gave me peace and I loved being there ..In front of Jesus! 
                                                                              I feel equally good when i visit mallu temples here in cochin , With big elephants roaming in the compounds.Again the point is ..God cannot be confied to a particular place or a structure (mandir or majid ) or by a barren stupid peice of land .


Whats the big deal if LORD RAM was born in that particular square foot of land ???? 
 He ruled over all hindu heart across the country !

I wud just end this post with a simple thought stuck in my head:


 God is present every where- I can pray to my god from my toilet and I bet he will listen .

NO MORE BOM SABADO !

Feeling sad ,Irritated , frustrated .N WHAT NOT NOW
why do all my Saturdays have some or the other issue !
Never had a good Saturday from a long time!
Bull****

PEER PRESSURE SIMPLIFIED by JO

Once upon a  time in Cochin , kerala , God's own country Man!!!!!

Three gals Jay(J) , PEE(p) , JEE(G) Went for shopping :) 

 Three girls checking out the innumerous dresses spread across the different shelves.

The quest for the ‘Right Dress’ (he he) made the three friends wander across the shop.

Jay picked up a jazzy top and her jaw literally dropped as if she found gold.

She grabbed it with both hands and made way to the Jee 

Jay said to jee, with her eyes rolling: “Isn’t this cool? I mean isn’t this is so damn good?!”

Jee looked at the dress, just shrugged and said “Its okay” and continued her own search.

Not convinced if the top was just “okay”, Jay then took that ‘piece-of-gold(!)’ to the third friend Pee

She asked her the same question but this time with less enthusiasm.

Pee frankly said “Nawwwwww...” and pee too got busy with her own search.

The first girl Jay gave one last look at the sexy jazzy top, gave a shrug and kept it back on the shelf.

Just goes to show how much one value other’s opinion… :)

LOL!

u.... U ...You ate my lays!!!

I was hungry when I started my day .By the noon, I was starving. I had a pack of lays which I opened and started munching. Etiquette told me that I should offer it to my colleague cum roommate sitting ,standing ,wandering  beside my cubicles . But something within me was stopping me. 

I was not sure if I was embarrassed or if the person within me "who was very hungry" was stopping me but Im sure i  wanted to. A part of me was stopping me from even starting the conversation with them while another part was urging me to the good deed.

Just a week back , when I was sitting in the same place in my desk with another (unknown) colleague from top , I found it so easy to ask if CWG thing is improving or going even bad but now, when I wanted to do a good deed, it was such a humongous task.

 Simple words – “Would you like to have some…?” 

But the words just wouldn’t come, even though I knew the other person would politely refuse! I tried and tried, I mentally spoke but physically it just wouldn’t come out! I finally felt so guilty eating all by myself, that I took the direct approach: I stopped thinking and puked out the question. As expected, the person politely refused. 

Phew! 

What a relief to just ask and be rid of the guilty conscience!

Why is it so difficult to do a good deed? Why do we feel embarrassed?

I don't know what ppl do when they feel hurt ... ........I .......BLOG!


I just Updated my FB status ------------------>>> see
"WORDS can Hurt or Heel..what did yours did today ???"


One fine summer two three years back , one of my good friends told me "Keep your expectation high from yourself rather than from others and  you will never feel sad"
Okie fine ! I get it .............Absolutely correct . In-fact very well said too!
Moot question here I see is --->>>
Is there something called " humanity " N "love " left in the world ???


Which is the basic that every human mutually expects from each other .We are homo sapiens,com on ...
with better knowledge level, bigger brains ,better understanding capacity..(what happened to all those  gyans??), MOREOVER..........with FEELINGS. 


I really fail to understand how can people be so rude, selfish and with no ethics in work and in their own nature.My mama always told me to treat everyone with respect and give love to all,
 especially to love them all-the-more who have it the least , coz they deserve the Most !


whats wrong with the world mama! why They don't feel the love !

.....................................

Yes! I'm talking about not speaking up , not talking , not communicating, Not expressing !! Leaving something unspoken!


 It was silence between us even then, it is silence even now, but I like the silence now. It has something special in it, a warmth, a satisfaction, words, emotions and a lot more. I would want more of this silence, it speaks a lot. Nothing has changed between us except this silence and I love it

RETROSPECTION

Its late night here ............

Ambience -pin drop silence 

State of mind- Disturbed (Cant sleep zz )

It is an hour past mid night and guess what am I doing? I am reading my own blog and reliving my past.

Try it!

By Hook or crook they say ;)

"Can you switch on the fan for me sweetie?"

"Do you want the fan on?"

"Why? Do you not want it on?"

"Its ok. I will switch on the fan."

"No, its ok. Don't switch on the fan."
The fan is switched ON!!!

:-)

Saturday rants :)

Just grabbed an opportunity to get out of the office early!Have just realised that I have perfected the art of going on standby mode with my eyes open... bonus is having people believe that Im a pavam(innocent) thinker.

I wud rather leave work... get out, party, let my hair down,kiss a guy , go for a movie...but nah, who am I kidding to??? 

I just switched laptop(wo bhi bhade kaa) and continue surfing FB, blogspot n my life ends here.sigh!!! 

I'm not going anywhere to spend my Saturday evening .

I better write everything down before I get distracted.... or get caught...Why do I always seem to forget what Ive been thinking just when I got to write it down?? 

Damn it ! Now I have to make stuff up.........I HATE the rains in my city guys... we go on and on about how romantic the rains are.... I have absolutely no clue what is so damn romantic about rushing through slushy roads ,getting splashed by passing cars, letting your pants get designed by polka dots of slush(kichad),spoiling sandals by decreasing its life span :( (I love sandals) and I have to remember to keep my mouth shut (I tend to talk to myself sing while walking...) otherwise I might get some of the splashed water in my mouth...catch some rare disease and die...

 wish I could write something more eloquent..or funny...or even slightly more interesting... but Im feeling a little brain dead right now... so Im thankful for whatever my brain is managing to eke out right now....

There arent too many reading my blog... ok, I have, like, one follower.... but whoever is reading this...

Hopefully, next saturday you might get something better.

Cheers! ENJOY READERS .HAPPY WEEKEND!!! go WATCH MOVIE N TELL ME HOW WAS IT SINCE IM NOT GOING ANYWAYS :p

Its been ..4 and a half- month into my new life.Its going pretty good...Of course, it sucks not having hot breakfast prepared by my mom ready for me when I wake up... Fending for myself is a whole new experience and honestly, its not so bad...
Im enjoying coming to work every morning... getting up early, foraging for breakfast, walking down the weather beaten roads(rain sucks here by the way :P) .... its all an adventure!

"I never thought I was going to find a line of work where I felt comfortable with myself.. .. and but at the risk of jinxing it I can seriously say that I have a strong feeling that this job will bring me the niche that I am looking for in my life"....(how i wish i cud say so.sigh!!!.)

anyways ..Ever wondered how its the tiny events that make all the difference.... an unexpected compliment is better than a prize distribution... a tiny flower tucked behind your ear accompanied by a light brush of finger tips is so much more touching than any bouquet....Im rather sentimental today aren't I?

I 'am BUGGED ....


TOTALLY 

Flashback of the month

Ideally this post should have been posted on 1st of July or 30th of June , but now that you guys know ..watta lazy bum i have become after started working again ..lemme just start off.


In the shuffle and hubbub and laziness of moving, some things were left unblogged. Here’s some of them. 


i bought a new phone , got a new guitar , shifted to a new flat ...okie i m not counting the dresses and new sandals i have got 4 myself. :P

Talking about my work 

One thing’s for sure, every day was different. One day I’d be with a delighted customer , the next with a highly irate one , the next with a German talking about all good things that comes from there. some days went solving problems of ppl from Dubai/ gulf (GAYLF as ppl here pronounce it ) , who keep narrating the entire saga of their tragedy over and over again . somehow.. Indian customer are mostly cool , they know everything takes time to happen in India.But when it comes to ppl from gulf , I feel they lack patience some how . They come with hell lotta problems of their Lifes and expect us to provide solution , Im sure they see me sitting in my desk as a ANGEL with a shining halo over my head ."But I m no angel" ..sorry .Phew! (K k  I'm Not cribbing now...yeah not again  )

Then again everyday I met credit card customers ...(yeaaah !! the most melodramatic customers You will ever see)those who every month forget to pay their credit card bill on time and then they reach bank 1 hour after the bank has closed and they request for paying the bill.( which is not possible :P)...these are some of the tantrums  or rather excuse they make :

 a) I was travelling out of town ( the most common one- i dont fall 4 it )

 b) I Dont get my CC statements on time , what shud i do? (how do you know today is yr due date??)

 c) Im  paying money to the bank , whats the problem ?? ( sir its a credit card -u took money first - u better pay     it off)

d) The last one - OKIE !! THEN I WILL CANCEL MY CREDIT CARD ( I dont react - i just stand and stare...WTF )

Moving ahead >>>

I shopped for my brother's wedding too , although it was very quick process. I tried to wind up everything ASAP.

Reason 1. Dint wanted to bug the person accompanying me :)

Reason 2. I myself hate shopping (Its so bloody confusing ..only time when I hate options )

Apart from that ..learned a lot in this last month .Hmm ..thats all will suffice for this post of mine :)

Why?

why 

why 

Why does all ear-phones tend to entangle so complicatedly :/ ????

It takes so much of effort to solve the mess..sigh!!!

In a SUNDAY like today :P

I see a practical application of murphy's law here ...coz nothing else explains .
After a crazy week ......with most of the days going not in your way , when You are looking forward
for a peaceful weekend---------->>> Stuff like this happen :)

Everything went crazy today ..

Got up with a bad headache

puked thrice!!!
(besides nothing to eat in kitchen....for those who of you are not aware , I have just moved into my new flat with my friends,so basically am now a handicapped  cook, even though I m a good cooker ;) who cooks well under pressure )

Dizzy feeling !!!

Felt energy-less.

Couldn't get my ass up to go out and get something to eat .

Talking about the weather in my city ...It poured the entire day like it never rained before.

Since my Sunday is almost over ..lemme tell me abt my coming monday

In God's own country , hartal and strikes are the monthly rituals and Dare you not follow those.

So good thing is Monday is gonna be a good great off for me ..but at the same time .moot question here is ..What the hell  I m gonna do ????

Okie I m off 4 nw....muaaaaah .

So Kiss me...

There was this song I loved when I was small. The video would keep coming on Channel V and I would always imagine my first kiss to be something like this song. Really. The song is from Sixpence none the richer- kiss me. yeah. I don't know, but I still love this song. :)

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.

Ignorance is bliss..????

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, it's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are ,it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, nobody is gonna hit as hard as life! But it ain't about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep movin' forward, how much you can take...and keep movin' forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth! But you gotta be willing to take the hits and not pointin' fingers sayin' you ain't where you wanna be because of him or her or anybody! 


See its kinda simple ..

When perplexity and obstacles becomes emotional state (or way of life) then it’s no conjecture to believe that Ignorance is bliss.

Given that it’s simpler to sustain something blindly than searching all the alternatives, it’s also simpler to act on impulse and learned behaviors instead of thinking about what they’re saying/doing. However ignorance once mislaid, it’s vanished can’t get it back. 

So what do we do?

 I m tryin hard to put in simpler terms but i just cannot ...........

K


 I guess thats .ENOUGH..4 my so called "self introspection" .....u guys can to the interpretation part 
(If interested of course ;) )

I Got up pretty early today, In-fact I m still on my bed ,hooked to the lappy , listening to JB(Tears n Rain). So much depth his songs have got , I feel I m drowning .
Oh!

Here is something worth jotting down ->

Last night I forgot to mention that I also checked a new flat for myself .. n I kinda loved it :)
gotta nice view of Cochin shipyard  from 3 balconies and feels at the top of world when one sees the view(8th floor).

Okie now i gotta run ......Gotta justify my salary :D

sleepwalking old hobbies :)

This evening just went to check out some real good guitars ..aah nice feeling.For those who are alien to my world n dont know what I m doing ->>>  I m getting a new guitar ...kinda very happy about it :)

Hmm....Back to Innocence !! Its a good feeling , cant jot down anymore .
Im gonna sleep now in peace :)

Purple haze!!!!!!!!

O well I guess......I'm a little unwell...coz I m not thinking (strange)..I m just recalling . I'm sure everyone must have been through that phase when the odds seem the most perfect feeling, ever. It's all him, or its all her, I don't know. ..whatever the fucking reason it may be ..who gives a shit,But it's just everything around yourself . That makes it so versatile. So perfectly ODD. So perfectly AMUSING but still so fascinating. So favorable that you just can't stop tripping on this feeling. Its like realizing there is very loud silence n not able to help..so sick at the same times..watta cocktail of feeling boss!!

Feeling like
'
like
'
'
'
'
It's like YOU just stepped outside

when everything was going right


This is how heart works ,

Strange are the ways ---it goes historical too!

Gyaan from my garden friend :)

1. Relax, man, go hug a tree.
2. Keep one eye out for the world and one turned inside.

I

It is so much easier to say things that you would love yourself to say- things that sound good, sane, progressive. It took me many years to learn to say exactly what I feel, even if it makes me look like a narrow-minded, possessive bastard to myself. It took me a lot of time to accept myself for what I am.


Saying what I want to say is important specially when the person matters more than the image of my self I would love to have. S/he could hate you for saying it, but in case, just in case s/he doesn't, you will be saved the agony of keeping up a false pretense or the fear of crumbling under it. In the end, whether it works out or not, it's definitely worth it.

I feel like I’m getting back to my roots. 
This blog was made for ranting, and I’m going to fulfill that purpose today. 
c my point is...
just because something is beautiful, doesn’t make it interesting. Often the opposite is true. 
Certainly humans are drawn to symmetry, order and perfection. But those things, while beautiful, aren’t necessarily very good at evoking an emotional response. There are nothing like flaws to get us involved with a piece. The flaws help us relate, throw off our expectations and make us think and feel more deeply about the subject. My general policy is to ignore things that annoy me (I’m going to be such a good psychiatrist)
 so I haven’t been paying much attention to being rational..idk being rational even add value to you..anyways ..
guess it was just another  introspective posts,
 I have no real conclusion. It’s interesting to analyze though !!

Whats happening !!!

I Dont call my friends,I dont pick up their calls (sorry GUYS)
I dont talk much nowadays (which is "so not me")
I dont say anything to my mom now...
I dont feel hungry (which is definitely not me)
I dont sleep..Thats understandable ;)
ppl ping- i gnore them (being visible) (okie thats rude i knw)
..........
life's become hectic, I must admit!
Anyway, today I am mischievously gleeful. 
There's a twinkle in my eye and a little butterfly in my stomach. 
Teehee! I am not telling you why :P :P :P HEhehehehehe...!
I'm torn between duty and individuality. Which one comes first!
What is it with me??? Why am I so affectionate? Or am I desperate?
 Ooooh... such a pain to try, understand and analyse your own psychology! And once you're able to, so hard to forgive others and yourself for being that psychological being!!!

Phases... I hate them!
Questions Questions!
How normal is it to feel that you're an option to people who are the priority for you?
How often is it normal to feel so?
How good is it for your psychological health?
How bad is it on your self esteem?
How do you get away from expectations?
How do you change priorities and make new ones?
How do you outdo yourself?
How, O How?!

REPORTING from nowhere!!

You think of start liking the comforts of clean air, plenty of greenery, embarrassingly wide footpath- not a hawker to block your way, or make you offers of questionable thingummies. Your office is a leisurely ten minutes' walk away. No mother to keep bugging you to go to sleep in time.(UNLESS U WANT TO)

But there are little things that suddenly catch you unawares. .

I am not saying I don't like this place. The people are blunt and it's impossible to have conversations with them. Everyday when I come back home from office I feel a strange emptiness inside me. I think of how hard I have been trying to talk to people. I genuinely try to like them. But I cannot. They have not heard of The Beatles and they don't know who Norah Jones is. The other day someone walked into my room while I was watching Summer With Monika. She stared at the screen for sometime and said don't you have some better movies? Non black and white? What do I say? I paused the movie and made polite conversations with her, apologizing for my clearly inadequate collection of movies.

All the people here are tech-retards. They know less about the internet or technology than any humanities people I know. They do not know what a browser is (well, many of them) or what a URL is for that matter. They can't differentiate between the internet and an intranet and have never heard about phishing or keyloggers. 

They are shocked to see how  I use keyboard shortcuts for most things. I regularly hear taunts about how I must have prepared for almost every thing.I smile awkwardly, not knowing how to react. I guess there are better engineers than these. 

And that will be the end of my rant for now.

THE STAY

THE BEGINNING..THE SUPPORT ..THE STAY!!!!

Hail Auto dudes!!

I have the ultimate "advantage" of living and working in that part of city where all autowallahs just Refuse to come .. infact one should learn the art of saying NO from an autowalaah.. in my 2 years in kerala after so much of research and analysis, ( naah i jus wanted to use those jargons for quite sometime!!) I realised that there are 3 sects of auto wallahs who prevail in each n every city n God makes sure that i meet every one of them!!!!
Sect 1 : Mr. "Nos": "Come Rain /Hailstorm/Winter We shall forever say NO to all chasmishs!!"
Me :"Bhaiyya aluva Jayenge?" 
Auto dude : "Nahi"
Me : Achcha vyttila ?(towards oberon)
Auto Dude : Nahi 
Me : Theek hai ernakulam le chalo 
Auto Dude : Nahi 
I wonder whether he jus doesnt like my face(screw u !!!I say in mute version)
Solution :(Yes i have thought of solutions too.. ve not done my MBA for nuthing!!!) 

Ask him whether he will go to Paris or Dubai.. if he says "yes" then you have the liberty to say "aapko aapke auto mein wahaan koi jaane nahi dega"(nobody will allow you to travel there in your auto) and you can stick your tongue out too..
Sect 2: Mr. HopeGivers 
Now this sect is very focussed in their approach .. they will always be seated in their rickshaw with one leg on the seat and chewing gootka oblique smoking  .. they nod their head whenever they see some one coming out of the gate and give us the hope that Yes this dude shall not make me beg or plead to make him do his duty!!
I end up meeting such sects maximum times ..Me : Bhaiyya ALUVA chaloge?
Auto Uncle : "thoooo" (that was the spitting of his gootka by the way)
Me : ivada? ! n frantically thinking pls pls pls say yesAuto Uncle : aluvale ivada pogandete??( spare my Malayalam) 
Me (thinking-- wow finally someone who will say yes) :station:) 
Auto Uncle : 
He jus doesnt say anything.. infact refuses to have further eyecontact and stares ahead as if we never had this heart to heart conversation at all!!!& Finally 


Sect 3 : Their mantra : "Ignorance is bliss" .. i have tried everything :flailing my arms, showing my hand, whistling to get their attention ...but well "zooooooop"they just speed away as if they are competing in F1
Solution: Stand right in front of the speeding auto ... he will HAVE to stop!!
**Statutory warning: this solution can be injurious to your health

Last day in 201

Current emotion             : Nothing ..No feelings!
Current song on head     : Leaving on a jet plane-jhon denver
                                       (yeah the same wich i sang in the class last day )
                                      O well....I'm just sitting on my bed surrounded by clothes, bottles, papers,wrappers,cosmetics n all the stuff u can imagine i will be having :) .I'm eating this foodles right now..(yea shifted from maggie coz of some fwd emails  :P ) I need to pack almost all the things but i'm hooked to lappy : D ! Idk how long i will b away from net, so kind of updating the readers.I really dont understand myself why do i jot down things about a day which is very much like a ordinary day and then again I forget to write about some of the most imp days of my life.
So today basically I did all this stuff to kill the time 2day ...

1. Gotta new hairstyle :) 
2. Manicured my nails 
3. Made a affidavit (court kacherry k chakkar bhi shuru)
4. Gotta poster of ozzy osbourne \m/
5. I had really nice veg puff after long time !

life is gonna be vry different from monday onwards...i'm missing this big friend circle I had.

so

.

.

I'm gonna close with this nice message that i recieved just nw. Its a quote said by a friend to a friend after both got busy in thier lives and dint contact each other..

"I MISS YR SMILE A LOT , BUT I MISS MINE MORE"

NOTE: My last post from SCMS campus, from my hostel, from room no.201...

DO O.V.E.R

I wish life is as simple as playing spider on my lappy.  When I'm left with no moves, I click "restart" and I'm back to square one...with no trace of how many moves or attempts done.

But life isn't like that.  There are no do overs.  You move, you pay or gain the price.  You lose time.  Hopefully you learn and do better the next time.

But more than time and lessons learned, moving costs a lot of decisions which entails emotions.  And that, one cannot get right every time.  No sir, almost always,  going up or down, forward or backward, leaves us feeling torn, anxious, dubious on whether we made the right choice.   And we are not the same person as before we have to choose.  There is no square one.  

If only we can stand still and just be.  But even this is a decision.