A DESPERATE DAY. may b

I sat 4 the second company (NOMURA) in college n guess what readers same old story...finance guys snatched the job from we systems ppl.
 I cud see all mixed reaction of SYSTEMITES some sad, some frustrated, some yawing like hippopotamus, some sleepy (7:30 am), some happy (ki bhaiya chalo no more saga of GD, PI etc etc) sm saying words CAPITAL “F” ,”B” WTF..u name it..some  LOLing at our condition .

                   N here I’m- 3^rd row left column don’t know what to say. L Silently walked out with my friends n looked back at finance guys. Some shocked ((mera naam bhi hai??.holy Sh*t i didn’t even give my name)), some nervous  ( aiyoooo !!!!GD undo da-sorry abt that mallu part), sm happy n gay ;). Frankly I was heartbroken and really really angry. I asked my friend PD-“yaar tell me nice GAALI  ...bhayankar wali....i wana shout out that word VERY loud.”(he dint say though..am sure shocked @ a gal asking this) .n then comes the tallest fellow of our batch n answers my question with the help of a sentence. N he said smthing like this.

“Tumahri maa ke.......usme isme .......yahan wahan .(pata nahi kahan kahan)  ye wo..(god knows kya kya.)...ho jaye”

MY face- blank (however in my mind i said “wat da bloody hell was that?”)Even though I didn’t getta word     ..it felt good, whatever i wanted to convey ,he told on my behalf. Thanks 4 that buddy.PERHAPS I WUD NEVER UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF CURSING MOTHER N SISTERS (what did they do??-unko yahan wahan –ye wo...kyun bolna? Wo bechari- abla nari- kitchen mein khana bana rahi hogi kahin)).


then what...
 came to my room> opened my laptop> played " i can do better" by-avril lavign>>sang out along(n jumped).SORRY rommie i even jumped on yr bed n steped on yr pink bunny :(
Best way to avoid frustration- listen to punk rock n sing along.(rather scream along ;)) 

Anyways whatever happens –happens for the good. I dint get placed 2day also and now am desperate.

I want a lot of things. Lots of them. Many are not things also.
I want a lot of knowledge and capability. I want to show off. I want a big business and show my wisdom. I want wisdom first and I want a lot of skills and lots of words and knowledge.
I want lots of love and praise and ovation and fame and name and money.
Though I think my desire for money is mostly in control. I have enough for everything and my dad pays 4 me all that I need to do this and that. To have a car and to go out on holidays and buy lots of books for myself and big gifts for friends and family and to try out that course on step dancing ,singing like a rock star or to buy that dress that i saw n i admired during window shopping.....
So you see, I am living some of my dreams and fantasies. But O they increase and I want them all to be fulfilled.
I want to be a proud Indian. I want to start initiatives with independent business in India. I want to spend money on intelligent poor people so that they can make significant changes and progress and development in their own lives as well as of the society. I want to get rid of the sense of lack, sense of being less, sense of being of no good use.i wanna personally go n shoot all terrorist n anti social elements (watch out u may b 1 among them).

I want, I want, I want.I want    ...no want.

I want to get satisfied with fulfilment of my dreams.Or maybe I want to get satisfied in the midst of dreams and the life’s eternal impermanence

BIG SIGH.............. L